Soul in Seattle

This past week I went on a road trip with friends Ryo Shiina and Anthony Ma to Seattle for a Film Festival. The trip was such a blessing. It was just what I needed to regain my composure in life. There is Something about Seattle that encourages people to relax and enjoy life. It really calmed my soul. However, my favorite part of the trip was when I encountered a bit of racism on the ride back from Seattle. I won't describe the incident but I will say that it re awoken my will to fight for myself and to fight to be vocal. For months, I've felt that I haven't been myself. I'm happy to say that I've found my soul again. Who knew it was in Seattle?

Let's Get Retarded

Time is a tricky thing. It's one thing in my life that is consistently inconsistent. Time has the ability to slow down. For weeks at a time, there will be empty boring lulls in my life. Times where I question if I'm even moving forward if not at all. But then there are days where time decides to sprint past you. Days where you feel out of breath from trying to keep up. There are days that are so unpredictable, that you can't help but be swept up in the powerful current of time.

Today was one of those days. I experienced the whole gamut of emotions. Even though I feel regret and sorrow at the end of this day, I can't help but feel alive. Life teaches you weird lessons during the weirdest times. I guess days where you do dumb things are still better than days where you do nothing.

Why I Need Weekends: To Stop Banging Your Mom

I promised myself to come up with cheerful things to write about but I can't seem to think of any. It's not that my life is sad and falling apart. No. Far from it. I just feel like I'm still going through the motions of organizing and figuring out the bearings of my life. I realize I live a bit of a double life. I am a very different person at CSUN; especially the way I am around people. The quality of people here are different. Not better. Not worse. Just different. Wit is something that is rarely practiced by students at CSUN and it is even scarcer for someone to notice and appreciate it. My vocabulary becomes very stunted whenever I'm trying to be funny at school. Basically, I do a lot of racist jokes and find clever ways to segue a conversation into telling someone I banged his/her mom.

Example:
Me: Knock Knock.
Someone: Who's there?
Me: I fucked your mom in the butt.

I'm fine with that. I'm not proud but I'm fine with it. I get to indulge in something I really missed out at high school. But what I really hate is when I bring that mentality back home during the weekends. I feel really weird constantly calling my mom a homie.

But that's why I love the weekends. It gives my mind time to remember and distinguish that there is another Stephen in me. I get a chance to take a breath, step back and look at my life as a whole. Come Sunday, I'll be fresh and ready to go back into the trenches again.

If you're judging me, I'm not faking a presonalty to gain the approval of others. I'm still the same person. But I'm just adapting to the situation in order to socialize more. I'm too much of an introvert as it is. If I stay the same in CSUN, I won't have anyone to talk to at all. And I'm not fine with that. My personality needs to socialize once in a while. Those nights spent carving out the insides of your mom don't count as socializing.(please notice the wit)

2010!!

I apologize to my friends and to myself for not writing sooner. I guess I've been hibernating in my hyperbaric chamber throughout the Winter. But I think that winter break was just what I needed to clear my head out of this funk that I've been in. Now I'm back and ready to smash skulls with my nut sack.

Much has happened since that last time I wrote. The thing I want to mention first is that I've begun writing again(obviously.) This is very important to me. I've always labeled people as either creators or spectators. I have been a spectator for a little longer than I would have liked.

On to the fun stuff.

Remember the entry when I got caught with gay porn on my computer?(Please read it if you haven't. You need to know the story before reading on) The girl that had sat behind me in that class is now in my anthropology class again. After avoiding her gaze for weeks, she finally talked to me in class a week ago. Here is our paraphrased conversation:

Her: Hey! Weren't you in my sex and gender roles' class last semester?

Me: That really boring one right? I never thought anyone could make sex be so boring!

Both of us: *awkward laughter*

Me: Yeah, I just sat in the back watching movies on my laptop.

Her: Yeah.....I think I saw one of those.....

Me:............

Her:..........

Me: *awkward laughter*

Her: * awkward laugher*

I have not talked to that bitch since.